Missing Her

I hesitated before putting this picture on my blog. I've never had a problem revealing my emotions or even blogging about my family. But this photo captures someone else's pain. Ultimately, I shared it because I don't think my grandfather would mind. I think he would like the entire world to know of his wife's death, to mourn with him, and to celebrate her life.

They traveled the world together. They had parties, and laughed, and had fun together. They fought and they cried and they grew together. They had three sons. Four grandchildren. Two great-grandchildren, and another on the way. They were married for 60 years.

I never want to forget my grandfather's face when I arrived for my grandmother's funeral. I never want to forget how his voice cracked and his shoulders shook as he told her good bye for the last time, standing over her casket. I never want to forget the wistful look he has in his eyes when he watches Tee, her dog, looking for her.

I never want to forget because it reminds me of the most important things in life. Our family. The people we love.

The Pictures I'm Not Thrilled With

First, it's driving me crazy that I ended that title in a preposition. Oh well, I'll get over it.

The second thing that's driving me crazy? These photos.

You see, I'm a perfectionist. Not to mention, in a classroom I become Uber Steph. Seriously. I'm seriously annoying because I want to be the best. It doesn't matter if it's just a friggin' 8 session hobbyist photography class. I want the teacher to look at me and think, "Wow, she's the best student I've ever had!" Well, not entirely. But, um, yeah, kind of.

In class last week, our instructor had one of us sit in a chair in front of the glass classroom windows. The lights in the corridor were off. The lights in the classroom were off. Only the emergency lights were on. We had to take pictures and turn them into portraits.

I didn't use my flash for any of them. I tried a couple of different high ISO settings and fast shutter speed and I just wanted to see what I'd get. They looked pretty good on my screen and I figured I could fix the lighting a bit in Photoshop if they were a little underexposed.

Groooooaaaaan.

Yeah, they suck. They're really grainy and the few that aren't are out of focus. And I should know better. Cue inner perfectionist, "Use the friggin' flash, Steph." (And you can tell that my inner perfectionist will not let me forget this.)

My only saving grace was that we could do whatever we wanted in Photoshop.

Blurry. Sigh.

Same thing in black and white.

A super saturated, funky color look. I wanted the emphasis on just her face and the chairs.

And finally, a grungy, retro look with a texture overlay and a vignette.

Now excuse me while I continue mentally flogging myself.